Guest Post: INCOMPREHENSIBLE by Lindsey Nobles

This entry is part 6 of 19 in the series After Happily Ever After
Lindsey Nobles

You need to read Lindsey’s blog.
It’ll make your life more excellent.

Lindsey is one of my all-time favorite bloggers. Her life, the choices she makes, challenge me to follow Jesus more courageously. Deservedly so, Lindsey was recently listed as one of the 25 Christian Leaders to follow on Twitter. Read her awesome blog here, and follow her on Twitter here.

When I was younger, my friends and I loved to play this game “MASH.” I know, it sounds like a war game, but it was far from that. MASH was a game where your future was randomly laid out for you: what kind of home you’d have (Mansion, Apartment, Shack, House), who you were going to marry, how many kids you would have, what kind of car you’d drive, what kind of job you’d hold. Worst-case scenario you’d drive a mini-van and live in a shack with Arnold, the dorky guy from algebra class, raising eight kids and struggling to make ends meet as a librarian.

Looking back, the peculiar thing about MASH is that being a single child-less with a great job and incredible community was never an option. Because being single at 35 was just plain incomprehensible.

The MASH Game we all played

This seemingly innocent game shaped our expectations unfairly.

Candidly some days I wake up and it still feels a little incomprehensible. As I lift my head up from my pillow I hesitate and wonder, “Is this my life?”

Don’t get me wrong. I have a great life. I have friends, a lot of incredible friends in fact. I have a supportive family. I travel. I have the most adorable dog on the planet. I have a job that challenges me and allows me to make an impact on the world. I feel loved and I feel known.

But this is not the life I envisioned myself living.

Over the years, I have dated a handful of boys seriously. And each relationship was filled with its own set of problems, its own dose of dysfunction. As the song goes “I’ve been cheated, been mistreated…” Sometimes they were to blame. Often I was to blame.

I made mistakes. I allowed a level of intimacy that I feel was inappropriate. I gave an undeserving suitor too much of myself, too much of my heart. I fell for the temptation of letting what was good become what was ultimate. I walked away feeling hurt, betrayed, disappointed, and alone.

Over the last several years, I have been convicted about my past, I have repented and I have made strides in living and loving differently.

But still I have questions. Questions that often are difficult to voice.

L - Heart

In the midst of uncertainty, one thing remains.

What does a healthy dating relationship when you are an adult look like?

Is it okay to allow myself to still hope, to dream for a husband and children?

Do I need to be praying for a husband? What if I can’t pray that prayer? 

How do I balance sitting back, waiting, and trusting, with being in active pursuit of finding a husband? 

As I get older and become more and more independent, how do I push myself to be open to the possibility of sharing my life? 

Yet in the midst of my questions and confusion, I am 100% confident that He has me right where he wants me. And that His plan for me, albeit incomprehensible at times, is carefully crafted and sure to be full of wondrous surprises.

YOUR TURN: Can you relate to these questions? How do you stay faithful in the midst of uncertainty?

Lindsey is a Texas transplant living in Nashville, Tennessee, with a sincere love for her precious dog Molly, a good red wine and the Pappasitos in the DFW airport {margaritas and fish tacos make layovers so much better}. She can’t believe that Food for the Hungry pays her to do what she loves, mobilize others to go to the hard places and bring hope and help to the children.Visit her blog here.

Series Navigation<< Talk: Teenage DreamTalk: You Always Marry the Wrong Person >>Guest Post: IN CHRIST ALONE by Guy Chmieleski >>
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  • Love you, Linds!

  • lindseyrnobles

    Love you, Bianca Juarez Olthoff. Can’t believe I get to see you…tomorrow.

  • This is so good, Lind’z. I value your honesty. Love you, friend.

  • Gail

    I think that these are questions that every single christian woman in her 20’s and 30’s has asked herself. The other question I would add is, “Did I miss the boat.”

    The umbrella question, over all these specific questions is, “Is God good, kind and sovereign and does he have a plan for my life?” I struggled with these questions in my 20’s and finally came to the conclusion that “if you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! (Matthew 7:11)” The thing is, I started looking at everything I HAD as a good gift from God. My friends, my family, my church, my job…EVERYTHING was a good gift. When you take your focus off of what you want and put it to what you have, life, simply, becomes better even if nothing changes.Now, I have a fairy tail ending. I did meet someone (actually remeet after 10 years) when I was 26 and got married when I was 27 but that’s just the beginning. When you get one thing your heart ALWAYS wants more- whether it be a better marriage, a better apartment, a new house, a baby, your baby to stop crying…our hearts always want more until we train them to rest in the love and good gifts from the Father.

  • Gail,

    I think you’re right on. And it’s not just women… I’ve had plenty of dark nights of the soul over the years. Thanks for your reminder to chase contentment in Jesus no matter what our circumstances.

  • graceisunfair

    I really like the way you put this.