Donna Freidas was teaching a course on sexuality and spirituality. All of her students talked about “hooking up”. After Spring Break, they were all debriefing when one student said,
I hookup all the time and I don’t know why. I don’t even like it.
The other students all agreed. Donna was shocked, so she began studying the collegiate hookup culture. She found that young adults believe they are supposed to be casual about sex in college.
Official Social Contract of the Hookup:
- Anything from kissing to sex
- Feel zero emotional attachment so you don’t get attached. Communication is bad because it leads to attachment.
- Alcohol (This last aspect is technically unofficial, but alcohol is nearly always involved.)
Stats on attitudes about hookups
- 41% are profoundly unhappy
- 23% are ambivalent (“whateverist” — Donna’s term for those who are casual about… everything. They’re a growing population)
- 36% more or less “fine” (not great/good/fun/etc)
Hookups are Efficient
College Students are Missing Romance & Dating
- Both men and women yearn for romance
- Both men and women wish for old-fashioned dating.
Romance is very chaste. It’s talking (for like 5 hours). It’s no technology. Romance is communication. It’s connection. It’s knowing and being known. It’s a lavish amount of time.
Responding to Hookup Culture
- Teaching YAs to slow down. (In life)
- Pressing “pause” on participating in hookup culture (maybe even for a weekend). This is sneaky abstinance.
- Start talking about romance, love, dating intimacy, and overall relationship skills.
Christianity is bigger than its teaching against premarital sex. If that’s our only response, we teach kids that the only thing that matters when they’re young is to not have sex. That’s an impoverished view of Faith. — Donna Freitas