Lady Liberty’s Funeral

This series of posts is my attempt to demonstrate that the language of the Revelation was actually symbolic code that was very intelligible to a first-century Jewish Christian living in the Roman Empire.  I’m re-writing the Revelation to communicate the same message, but to a twenty-first century American Christian audience, using symbols we understand.  This particular section parallels Revelation chapter 18.  If you want to catch up, here’s a PDF of the entire series so far: The Revelation to JR. – Chapters 1-18.

Then I saw another angel descending from Heaven, wielding incredible authority.  His beauty lit up the whole world.  He cried out,

Fallen, fallen is the Third Reich
It has become a home for demons, haunted by every kind of evil spirit, every disgusting bird and awful creature.
All the world’s nations have drunk the juice of her adultery,
The politicians have committed adultery with her,
And the corporations of the world have gotten wealthy from the power of her luxury.

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Lady Liberty

This series of posts is my attempt to demonstrate that the language of the Revelation was actually symbolic code that was very intelligible to a first-century Jewish Christian living in the Roman Empire.  I’m re-writing the Revelation to communicate the same message, but to a twenty-first century American Christian audience, using symbols we understand.  This particular section parallels Revelation chapter 17.  If you want to catch up, here’s a PDF of the entire series so far: The Revelation to JR. – Chapters 1-17.

Next, one of the seven angels who had the seven bowls came to me and said,

Follow me, and I will show you the judgment of the great whore who looks out over the ocean.  She’s the one with whom all the politicians have committed adultery.  The one with whose juice of adultery the world’s peoples have gotten drunk.

So he carried me away in the spirit to a desert, and I saw a woman sitting on a Beast that was covered with blasphemous names, and it had thirteen heads and fifty dollar signs.  The woman wore a green robe and a crown that looked like a sunburst.  With one hand she held a cup like a torch in the air, and it was full of abominations, of the juice of her adultery.  In the other hand she held a book, on which was written a mysterious name: “The Third Reich, Mother of All Whores and Abominations”.  The woman was clearly drunk on the blood of the saints and witnesses to Jesus.Continue reading

Armageddon

This series of posts is my attempt to demonstrate that the language of the Revelation was actually symbolic code that was very intelligible to a first-century Jewish Christian living in the Roman Empire.  I’m re-writing the Revelation to communicate the same message, but to a twenty-first century American Christian audience, using symbols we understand.  This particular section parallels Revelation chapter 14.  If you want to catch up, here’s a PDF of the entire series so far: The Revelation to JR. – Chapters 1-16.

Next, I saw another awesome sign in heaven: seven angels that had seven plagues (these are the last plagues, because once they’ve been unleashed, God’s wrath will be fulfilled).  I saw what looked like a sea of molten glass, and along its shore, sitting at organs or playing Taylor guitars, stood all the peoples who had conquered the Beast and his image and the number of his title.

They sang the song Moses – God’s slave – wrote, and the Lamb’s song:

Lord God, General of Heaven’s Armies,
What you’ve done is wondrous and amazing!
President of all countries,
Your policies and ways are always just and correct.

Lord, who doesn’t respect and give you your due honor?
Because you alone are holy and righteous.
Every country and people in the world will come and worship you,
Because your judgments have finally been revealed to everyone.

Then I looked and the Temple (which is really the Tabernacle in Heaven) was opened, and out came the seven angels that had the seven final plagues.  They were wearing bright white graduation robes and they had beautiful golden sashes across their chests.  One of the four creatures gave the seven angels seven golden offering plates full of the eternal God’s wrath.  God’s glory was so bright that the Temple seemed to be filled with a smoke or haze, and so powerful that no one could enter until the seven angels’ plagues had finished.

A loud voice from the Temple called out to the seven angels:

Go and pour out onto the Earth the seven offering plates of God’s wrath.

So the first angel poured his bowl onto the Earth, and anyone who had the Beast’s mark or worshiped its image developed a putrid, painful sore.  The second angel poured his bowl into the ocean, and it turned into congealed blood, and everything in the oceans died.  The third angel poured his bowl into the rivers and they turned to blood.  At this, the angel that commands the water said,

Eternal Holy One, you have judged these things and your judgments are just.
They shed the blood of saints and prophets, so you have given them blood to drink.
It’s what they deserve.

And I heard the altar respond,

Yes, Lord God, General of Heaven’s Armies, your judgments are always just and correct!

The fourth angel poured his bowl into the sun, and it was allowed to burn them.  They were burned by the sun’s fierce heat, but they cursed God, who had authority over the plagues.  They didn’t repent or acknowledge God’s supremacy.

The fifth angel poured his bowl on the desk of the Beast, and its nation fell into darkness.  The peoples’ sores were so bad they gnawed their tongues and cursed the God of heaven… but they still didn’t repent.

The sixth angel poured his bowl on the Pacific Ocean, and its waters dried up to prepare the way for the kings from the Orient.  I saw three evil spirits like snakes coming out of the mouths of the Dragon and the Beast and the False Prophet.  These are demons that work miracles and go to the kings, presidents and prime ministers of the whole world to call and assemble their armies for battle on the great Day of God the General of Heaven’s Armies.

Watch! I’m coming like a thief!  The one who says awake, ready and dressed, is blessed.  Don’t go around naked and embarrass yourself!

The demons assembled the world’s powers at the place that in English is called “The Meadows” and in Spanish is “Las Vegas”.

The seventh angel poured his bowl into the air, and a loud voice called out from the Temple,

It is done!

Lightning fell like hail, thunder crashed like jets flying overhead, and an 10.0 earthquake struck – worse than anything anyone’s ever experienced.  The great city split in three and all the great cities of the world fell.  God didn’t forget about Babylon – he made her drink from his cup, the juice of his furious wrath.  Every island sank and every mountain fell.  Huge hailstones the size of Volkswagens fell on people from the sky, and everyone cursed God because the hail plague was so horrible.

The Merciful Harvest

This series of posts is my attempt to demonstrate that the language of the Revelation was actually symbolic code that was very intelligible to a first-century Jewish Christian living in the Roman Empire.  I’m re-writing the Revelation to communicate the same message, but to a twenty-first century American Christian audience, using symbols we understand.  This particular section parallels Revelation chapter 14.  If you want to catch up, here’s a PDF of the entire series so far: The Revelation to JR – Chapters 1-14.

Next I saw another angel flying through the stratosphere – it proclaimed Good News to every person on the planet (every nation, ethnicity, language and people group, now and throughout all of human history).  He announced loudly,

Fear God and give God glory, because it’s finally time for God’s judgment.  Worship the One who created the entire universe – everything from stars and galaxies to atoms and quarks.  The sky, earth, salt and fresh water.

A second angel followed the first.  It said,

Defeated!  The great Babylon is defeated!  She has made all the peoples of the world drink her juice (which is really the consequences of her unfaithfulness).

A third angel followed the second.  He announced loudly,

The people who worship the Beast or its image (on TV) – anyone who received its mark on their hearts or wallets – all of them will also drink the juice of God’s wrath.  The wine is poured undiluted (it’s 160 proof!) straight into the cup of God’s anger.  They’ll be punished with fire and burning sulfur in front of the Lamb and the holy angels.  The smoke from their punishment rises into the sky forever and ever.  It’ll be 24/7 – the people who worship the Beast and its image and receive its mark won’t get a break.

Saints – if you keep God’s commandments and hold to the faith of Jesus – pay attention!  This is a reminder for you to stick it out and stay faithful!

Then I heard a voice from heaven say,

Write this down: “Anyone who dies from now on and believes in God is fortunate.  The Spirit agrees, ‘They’ll get to retire from their work because what they’ve done speaks for itself.’”

I looked and saw a white cloud, with someone sitting on it.  But it wasn’t an angel with a harp.  It was someone like the Son of Man.  He was wearing a gold medal and was driving a combine.  Another angel came out of God’s Temple, and yelled to the one on the cloud,

Put the combine in gear and start harvesting.  It’s harvest time and the earth’s harvest is ripe.

So the one on the cloud dropped the combine into gear and drove it over the earth, and harvested the whole round ball.  Then another angel came out of God’s Temple (in heaven), and he also drove a combine.  One more angel came out of the altar (it was the one that commands fire), and he yelled to the angel in the combine,

Put your combine in gear and harvest the earth’s vineyards – the grapes are ripe and it’s time!

So the angel drove his combine over the earth, gathered the grapes and tossed them into the great Welches factory of God’s wrath.  The Welches factory (it was outside the city) crushed the grapes to get their juice, and blood flowed from the Welches factory deep enough to cover a doorway, and covered the earth from East to West.

The Dragon’s Army vs. the Lamb’s

This series of posts is my attempt to demonstrate that the language of the Revelation was actually symbolic code that was very intelligible to a first-century Jewish Christian living in the Roman Empire.  I’m re-writing the Revelation to communicate the same message, but to a twenty-first century American Christian audience, using symbols we understand.  This particular section parallels Revelation chapter 13 (and a little bit of 14).  If you want to catch up, here’s a PDF of the entire series so far: The Revelation to JR – Chapters 1-13.

The Dragon straddled the earth, from sea to shining sea.  And I saw a Beast rising out of the shining sea.  It had fifty dollar signs all around its thirteen heads, and each head was decorated with a presidential seal, covered in blasphemous names.  As the Beast emerged, I got a better look at its uniform – it was wearing a redcoat covered in a swastika imposed over a rising sun, and the Beast was carrying a hammer and sickle.  One of its heads looked dead, like it had been sacrificed, or like two fallen towers, but its mortal wound had been healed.

The whole earth saw this and was amazed, so they followed the Beast.  They worshipped the Dragon, because he gave the Beast its authority, and they worshiped the Beast.  They said,

“Who is like the Beast?  Who can win a war against it?”

The Beast was given a mouth that spoke prideful and blasphemous slogans, and it was allowed to exercise its authority for 42 months.  It opened its mouth to utter blasphemies against God, blaspheming God’s name and God’s Temple (which is those who live with God in Heaven).  The Beast was also allowed to wage war on the saints, and to conquer them.  It was given authority over every ethnicity and nation and language and people group.  Everyone who lives on the earth will worship it, everyone who’s name has not been recorded in the Lamb’s book of life since the creation of the world.

Anyone who has ears should listen to this:

“If you’re taken captive, then you’re going into captivity.
If you kill with a sword, then you’re going to be killed with a sword.”

Saints, pay attention.  That’s a reminder for you to stick it out and stay faithful!

Then I saw another Beast that came down out of the purple mountains majesty and across the fruited plains.  This second Beast had two horns – just like a lamb – but it spoke like a dragon.  It speaks for the first Beast, and does everything on its behalf.  It leads the whole world to worship the first Beast, the one whose mortal wound was healed.  It performs signs and miracles – it even calls fire down from the sky in full view of everyone.  It’s all these signs that it performs on behalf of the first Beast that let the second Beast deceive the people of earth.

It tells them to buy televisions so they can view the image of the Beast it helped them to create, this beast that had fallen like twin towers and yet lived.  The second Beast was allowed to breathe life into the image of the Beast on the televisions so that it could speak to the people of the earth, and it was allowed to cause anyone who did not follow the way of the Beast to be killed.

The second Beast causes everyone, important or unimportant, rich or poor, first world and third world, to receive a mark on their hearts and on their wallets and purses, so that no one can buy or sell who doesn’t have the mark.  The mark is the name of the first Beast, the number of its name.  You need to be clever to figure this out, but with a little effort, you can calculate the number of the Beast, because it’s the number of the title on its seal.  The number itself is 392.

Then I looked and woah! The Lamb was standing on Capitol Hill!

And he had the 500 billion with him, those who have his name and his father’s name written on their hearts and wallets.  I heard a voice from heaven that sounded like a tidal wave or a loud jet engine, and it was as musical as a majestic symphony.

They sang a new song for the one seated at the desk and for the four creatures and the fifty congresspersons.  No one could learn the song except for the 500 billion who had been bought from the earth.  They haven’t been sleeping around; they’ve stayed faithful.  They follow the Lamb wherever he goes.  They’ve been bought from among humanity; they’re the tithe of humanity, offered to God and to the Lamb.  They’re completely blameless – not even a little white lie passes their lips!

Declaring War

This series of posts is my attempt to demonstrate that the language of the Revelation was actually symbolic code that was very intelligible to a first-century Jewish Christian living in the Roman Empire.  I’m re-writing the Revelation to communicate the same message, but to a twenty-first century American Christian audience, using symbols we understand.  This particular section parallels Revelation chapter 12.  If you want to catch up, here’s a PDF of the entire series so far: The Revelation to JR – Chapters 1-12.

An incredible sign appeared in heaven: I saw a woman who wore the sun like a gown and used the moon as a footstool.  She wore a gold medal made of twelve stars like a set of pearls.  She was pregnant, and was clearly in labor.

Then another sign appeared: an enormous, blood-red dragon with thirteen heads and fifty dollar signs all around it.  It had thirteen presidential seals on its heads.  His tail swept across the sky, knocking a third of the stars out of the sky, throwing them down on the earth.  Then the dragon positioned itself in front of the woman so it could devour her child as soon as it was born.Continue reading

The Revelation to JR. – Two Witnesses

This series of posts is my attempt to demonstrate that the language of the Revelation was actually symbolic code that was very intelligible to a first-century Jewish Christian living in the Roman Empire.  I’m re-writing the Revelation to communicate the same message, but to a twenty-first century American Christian audience, using symbols we understand.  This particular section parallels Revelation chapter 11.  If you want to catch up, here’s a PDF of the entire series so far: The Revelation to JR – Chapters 1-11.

Then I was given a tool belt and a steel beams and I was told:

Come and reinforce God’s sanctuary – include the pulpit and everyone worshiping in there.  But don’t bother with the foyer or classroom space.  All that’s being handed over to the rest of the world.  They’re going to run rampant all over the holy city for 42 months.

I’m going to give my two eye-witnesses authority to prophesy for 1,260 days while they’re dressed for a funeral.

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The Executive Order

This series of posts is my attempt to demonstrate that the language of the Revelation was actually symbolic code that was very intelligible to a first-century Jewish Christian living in the Roman Empire.  I’m re-writing the Revelation to communicate the same message, but to a twenty-first century American Christian audience, using symbols we understand.  This particular section parallels Revelation chapter 10.  If you want to catch up, here’s a PDF of the entire series so far: The Revelation to JR – Chapters 1-10.

I saw another enormous angel coming down from heaven.  He was wrapped in a cloud and I saw a rainbow appear over his head.  I could barely look at him because his face was as bright as the sun and even his legs and feet burned like fire.  He had an Executive Order in his right hand (it looked so small in his huge hand!).  He planted one foot on the land and one in the ocean and then yelled at the top of his lungs.

When he yelled, I heard a giant roar, like seven jet engines.  I was about to write down what I heard in the engines’ roar, but someone up in heaven said

“Seal up what the seven jet engines have said – don’t write it down!”

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The Three Curses

This series of posts is my attempt to demonstrate that the language of the Revelation was actually symbolic code that was very intelligible to a first-century Jewish Christian living in the Roman Empire.  I’m re-writing the Revelation to communicate the same message, but to a twenty-first century American Christian audience, using symbols we understand.  This particular section parallels Revelation chapter 9.  If you want to catch up, here’s a PDF of the entire series so far: The Revelation to JR – 1-9.

The fifth angel turned on his camera and I saw a star that had fallen from heaven to earth, and he was given the key the bowels of the earth.  He opened it and smoke came billowing out of the hole like from a blown radiator.  The smoke covered the sky and plunged the whole planet into darkness.

Then I saw locusts emerge from the smoke, and they were given authority like soldiers.  They were specifically told not to harm the crops or food supply, but instead to hurt anyone who hadn’t been notarized by God on their heads and wallets.  They were allowed to torture them for five months, but not to kill them.  And it was bad –  worse than anything that went down in Guantanamo Bay.  During those five months, people will try to kill themselves – they’ll chase after death – but they won’t be able to die.Continue reading

The Press Conference

This series of posts is my attempt to demonstrate that the language of the Revelation was actually symbolic code that was very intelligible to a first-century Jewish Christian living in the Roman Empire.  I’m re-writing the Revelation to communicate the same message, but to a twenty-first century American Christian audience, using symbols we understand.  This particular section parallels Revelation chapter 8.  If you want to catch up, here’s a PDF of the entire series so far: The Revelation to JR – 1-8.

When the Lamb signed the seventh line on the Order, there was utter silence in heaven for about half an hour.  Then I saw the seven angels who comprise God’s cabinet, and they were given seven news cameras.

Another angel with a golden coffee cup came and stood at the podium.  He was given gallons of coffee to place along with the prayers of all the saints on the golden podium that stands in front of the desk.  The aroma of the coffee, along with the saints’ prayers, rose up to God from the angel’s hand.  Then the angel took the coffee cup and filled it with boiling coffee from the podium and threw it down onto the earth, and when he did, I saw lightning flash, heard thunder crash and saw a massive earthquake.Continue reading