The Prayer Hotline

 In Teachings, Worship Elements

A skit we wrote and recorded for our week on prayer. You can hear the recording here: Prayer Hotline

Hello! Thank you for your prayers. In order to help process your prayer more efficiently, please choose from the following menu options. Listen carefully, as some of our options have changed.

Para escuchar este menú en español, pulse el número 2 ahora.

For urgent prayer needs, press 1 now.
For illness or death, press 2 now.
For traveling mercies or to place a hedge of protection, press 3 now.
For marital strife, press 4 now.
For interviews, promotions and exams, press 5 now.
For punishment or to have enemies smited, press 666 now.
For patience, please hold until the end of this recording.
For unspoken requests, press 7 now.
For a great parking spot at the store, press 8 now.
For blessings on your future, or the future of a family member, including extended relatives, press 9 now.
For all other requests, or to speak to a saint who can help you refine your prayers, press 0.
To hear this menu again, press star.

[Button is pressed]

Thank you for your prayer! Your prayers are very important to us! God is currently answering other prayers, but stay on the line and your prayer will be answered in the order it was received. There are currently

[break into automated voice] 140 million

[Back to normal voice] prayers ahead of yours. Your expected wait time is less than

[back to the automated voice] 2 hours.

[Cue Hallelujah Chorus]
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