The Revelation to JR. – Two Witnesses

 In Blog, Pop Culture, Teachings, The Bible

This series of posts is my attempt to demonstrate that the language of the Revelation was actually symbolic code that was very intelligible to a first-century Jewish Christian living in the Roman Empire.  I’m re-writing the Revelation to communicate the same message, but to a twenty-first century American Christian audience, using symbols we understand.  This particular section parallels Revelation chapter 11.  If you want to catch up, here’s a PDF of the entire series so far: The Revelation to JR – Chapters 1-11.

Then I was given a tool belt and a steel beams and I was told:

Come and reinforce God’s sanctuary – include the pulpit and everyone worshiping in there.  But don’t bother with the foyer or classroom space.  All that’s being handed over to the rest of the world.  They’re going to run rampant all over the holy city for 42 months.

I’m going to give my two eye-witnesses authority to prophesy for 1,260 days while they’re dressed for a funeral.

They’re the two kosher trees and two pulpits that stand before the Lord of the earth.  If anyone tries to hurt them, the eye-witnesses breath fire and consume their attackers.  Part of their authority will be to stop it from raining the whole time they’re prophesying, and they can turn water into blood.  In fact, they can strike the earth with any plague they want, whenever they want.

When they’ve finished giving their testimony, the beast from the bottomless pit will declare war on them, defeat them and kill them.  Their bodies will lie in the streets of the great city that we prophetically call Sodom or Egypt – the same city where the Lord was crucified.  For 3 1/2 days, people from every ethnic or language group, every country or tribe will demand that they not be buried, so they can see them and celebrate their deaths.  They’ll be so glad, they’ll declare an international holiday.  It’ll be bigger than Christmas.  That ought to give you an idea how much everyone will hate these two prophets.

But after 3 1/2 days, the breath of life (God’s breath of life) entered them and they got up.  Everyone who saw it was terrified.  Then they heard a voice shout at them from heaven,

Come up here!

So they went up to heaven in a cloud while all their enemies stood around watching.  At that exact moment, a huge earthquake struck – it destroyed 10% of the city and 7,000 people died.  Anyone who didn’t die was terrified and attributed everything that’d happened to God in heaven.

The second curse has passed.  The third curse is coming very soon.

Then the seventh  angel turned on his camera, and loud voices in heaven said:

The kingdoms of the world have become the kingdom of our Lord and his Christ, and he will reign for all eternity.

Then the twenty-four congresspersons who sit at their desks before God stood up and saluted and pledged their allegiance to God by saying:

We give you thanks, Lord God Almighty
Who are and who were,
Because you have taken your great power and begun to rule.

The nations raged, but your wrath has come.
It’s time to judge the dead
And reward your servants:
The prophets and saints and everyone who fears your name
From the least significant to most important.
It’s time to destroy the people who destroy the earth.

Then God’s sanctuary in heaven opened – you could see the lost Ark of the Covenant in there!  And everywhere you looked, lighting was crashing, hail was raining down and there were earthquakes!

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