Tag: Eschatology

The Revelation to JR. – Two Witnesses

This series of posts is my attempt to demonstrate that the language of the Revelation was actually symbolic code that was very intelligible to a first-century Jewish Christian living in the Roman Empire. I’m re-writing the Revelation to communicate the same message, but to a twenty-first century American Christian audience, using symbols we understand. This particular section parallels Revelation chapter 11. If you want to catch up, here’s a PDF of the entire series so far: The Revelation to JR – Chapters 1-11.

Then I was given a tool belt and a steel beams and I was told:

Come and reinforce God’s sanctuary – include the pulpit and everyone worshiping in there. But don’t bother with the foyer or classroom space. All that’s being handed over to the rest of the world. They’re going to run rampant all over the holy city for 42 months.

I’m going to give my two eye-witnesses authority to prophesy for 1,260 days while they’re dressed for a funeral.

The Executive Order

This series of posts is my attempt to demonstrate that the language of the Revelation was actually symbolic code that was very intelligible to a first-century Jewish Christian living in the Roman Empire. I’m re-writing the Revelation to communicate the same message, but to a twenty-first century American Christian audience, using symbols we understand. This particular section parallels Revelation chapter 10. If you want to catch up, here’s a PDF of the entire series so far: The Revelation to JR – Chapters 1-10.

I saw another enormous angel coming down from heaven. He was wrapped in a cloud and I saw a rainbow appear over his head. I could barely look at him because his face was as bright as the sun and even his legs and feet burned like fire. He had an Executive Order in his right hand (it looked so small in his huge hand!). He planted one foot on the land and one in the ocean and then yelled at the top of his lungs.

When he yelled, I heard a giant roar, like seven jet engines. I was about to write down what I heard in the engines’ roar, but someone up in heaven said

“Seal up what the seven jet engines have said – don’t write it down!”

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The Three Curses

This series of posts is my attempt to demonstrate that the language of the Revelation was actually symbolic code that was very intelligible to a first-century Jewish Christian living in the Roman Empire. I’m re-writing the Revelation to communicate the same message, but to a twenty-first century American Christian audience, using symbols we understand. This particular section parallels Revelation chapter 9. If you want to catch up, here’s a PDF of the entire series so far: The Revelation to JR – 1-9.

The fifth angel turned on his camera and I saw a star that had fallen from heaven to earth, and he was given the key the bowels of the earth. He opened it and smoke came billowing out of the hole like from a blown radiator. The smoke covered the sky and plunged the whole planet into darkness.

Then I saw locusts emerge from the smoke, and they were given authority like soldiers. They were specifically told not to harm the crops or food supply, but instead to hurt anyone who hadn’t been notarized by God on their heads and wallets. They were allowed to torture them for five months, but not to kill them. And it was bad – worse than anything that went down in Guantanamo Bay. During those five months, people will try to kill themselves – they’ll chase after death – but they won’t be able to die.Continue reading

Enculturation Eschatology Revelation Worship

The End of the World, A Few Years Early

The Beard Goes Home is an ongoing chronicle of my trip to Israel, Cairo and Rome from November 3-18. If you want more information on a picture, hover your mouse over it for a pop-up caption. If you want to see a bigger version of the picture, click on it.

On our way back to Jerusalem, Thomas and I decided to stop off at Mt. Megiddo. We left Tiberius and drove southwest, passing just a few miles south of Nazareth and through the Valley of Jezreel. Jezreel was the site of quite a few bloody battles, and most of them did not turn out well for Israel. By the 7th century BCE, the place had already acquired a pretty awful reputation (God told Hosea to name one of his sons Jezreel; this would be sort of like naming a child today Auschwitz). It was sometimes known as the Valley of Slaughter.

Mt. Megiddo is at one end of the Jezreel Valley, and it was inhabited steadily from about 3,000 BCE until the 4th century BCE or so. The Canaanites first lived there, and today you can see an ancient Canaanite worship space – archaeologists have identified 17 layers of Canaanite temples. The Canaanites’ chief god was Ba’al the storm god; Israel often turned away from God to worship Ba’al and his goddess wife, Asherah.

After Israel conquered the Canaanites, Mt. Megiddo was fought over by pretty much everyone. It’s been ruled over by Egyptians, Israelites and Assyrians. In fact, the Egyptians killed King Josiah – one of the most faithful of Israel’s kings – at Megiddo.

Another of Israel’s kings, Ahab, turned Mt. Megiddo into one of his three major centers of government. Much like Herod did to Masada, Ahab transformed Mt. Megiddo into a luxurious palace complex complete with stables for hundreds of horses. He even dug a tunnel through the mountain (which is really more hill-like) to the spring at the foot of Megiddo, so that during a siege the city still had access to water. Ahab was one of Israel’s most politically successful kings, but the Scriptures judge him as a failure because he openly embraced Ba’al worship thanks to his wife, Jezebel. Mt. Megiddo’s long history of Ba’al worship might be part of what drew Ahab there in the first place.

After the Assyrians conquered Israel (including Mt. Megiddo), they fell to the Persians and Mt. Megiddo lay an abandoned ruin at the edge of the Valley of Slaughter. It had a long history of idol worship and warfare, and was a place of shame and sin in the Hebrew culture.

The Hebrew word for ‘mountain’ is har. But the New Testament was written in Greek, which doesn’t have an ‘h’ sound, so Har Megiddo became Armegiddo. Here’s what John saw in the Revelation he received:

I saw three foul spirits like frogs coming from the mouth of the dragon, from the mouth of the beast and from the mouth of the false prophet. These are demonic spirits, performing signs, who go abroad to the kings of the whole world, to assemble them for battle on the great day of God the Almighty. And they assembled them at the place that in Hebrew is called Armageddon. – Revelation 16:13-16

That’s right, everyone. I made it to the end of the world. I just showed up a little bit early (Which was fine with me). With everything that Mt. Megiddo represented to a person shaped by the Old Testament, is it any wonder that John chose this place as the site where the Unholy Trinity would gather their forces to wage war on the Kingdom of God?

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The Press Conference

This series of posts is my attempt to demonstrate that the language of the Revelation was actually symbolic code that was very intelligible to a first-century Jewish Christian living in the Roman Empire. I’m re-writing the Revelation to communicate the same message, but to a twenty-first century American Christian audience, using symbols we understand. This particular section parallels Revelation chapter 8. If you want to catch up, here’s a PDF of the entire series so far: The Revelation to JR – 1-8.

When the Lamb signed the seventh line on the Order, there was utter silence in heaven for about half an hour. Then I saw the seven angels who comprise God’s cabinet, and they were given seven news cameras.

Another angel with a golden coffee cup came and stood at the podium. He was given gallons of coffee to place along with the prayers of all the saints on the golden podium that stands in front of the desk. The aroma of the coffee, along with the saints’ prayers, rose up to God from the angel’s hand. Then the angel took the coffee cup and filled it with boiling coffee from the podium and threw it down onto the earth, and when he did, I saw lightning flash, heard thunder crash and saw a massive earthquake.Continue reading

Enculturation Eschatology Revelation Worship

The Survivors

This series of posts is my attempt to demonstrate that the language of the Revelation was actually symbolic code that was very intelligible to a first-century Jewish Christian living in the Roman Empire. I’m re-writing the Revelation to communicate the same message, but to a twenty-first century American Christian audience, using symbols we understand. This particular section parallels Revelation chapter 7. If you want to catch up, here’s a PDF of the entire series so far: The Revelation to JR – Chapters 1-7.

Then I looked and saw four angels standing at the four cardinal directions. They were holding back the four winds so that nothing was moving anywhere – on land or sea. I saw another angel who was coming up with the dawn, and he held God’s notary seal. He called out to the four angels who had been given power to damage the land and seas,

Don’t damage the land or sea – or anything on them, even the trees! – until we’ve notarized the servants of our God with a seal on their heads and their wallets.

Then I heard how many were notarized – five hundred billion, notarized from every tribe of God’s chosen people.

Fifty billion were notarized from the Reformed churches.

Enculturation Eschatology Revelation

Pax Americana

This series of posts is my attempt to demonstrate that the language of the Revelation was actually symbolic code that was very intelligible to a first-century Jewish Christian living in the Roman Empire. I’m re-writing the Revelation to communicate the same message, but to a twenty-first century American Christian audience, using symbols we understand. This particular section parallels Revelation chapter 6. If you want to catch up, here’s a PDF compilation of all the installments so far: The Revelation to JR. – Chapters 1-6.

I saw the Lamb sign one of the lines on the Order, and I heard one of the four creatures call out in a voice like a jet engine, “Come!” I looked and saw a gleaming white 747! Its pilot was wearing a turban and he was given a gold medal, and wherever he flew, he conquered and destroyed.

When the Lamb signed the second line on the Order, I heard the second creature call out, “Come!” Out came a fleet of news vans, all blood red. Their driver was allowed to take peace from the earth, to spread dissention and fear so that people would turn on each other. He was given a giant gavel.

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The Oval Office

This series of posts is my attempt to demonstrate that the language of the Revelation was actually symbolic code that was very intelligible to a first-century Jewish Christian living in the Roman Empire. I’m re-writing the Revelation to communicate the same message, but to a twenty-first century American Christian audience, using symbols we understand. This section parallels Revelation 4-5; if you want to catch up, here’s a PDF compiling all the entries so far: The Revelation to JR – Chapters 1-5.

After this I looked, and there in Heaven I saw an open door. And the first voice – the one I’d heard that sounded like a jet engine – said, “Come up here, and I will show you what’s going happen next.” I was immediately pulled into a vision and there in Heaven I saw an Oval Office, with a large desk at the center of the office and someone seated at the desk. The person seated at the desk was more beautiful than the Hope Diamond or any other collection of jewels you could imagine. I saw a wedding ring surrounding the desk, running throughout the whole Office.

Surrounding the desk were 50 more desks, and at each desk I saw a Congressperson, all dressed in white suits and wearing gold medals around their necks.

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The Seventh Church

This is the final church in my ongoing reimagining of the Revelation to John. You can catch the first piece here. These short pieces draw from Revelation 2-3, and I’ll post once for each of the 7 churches. These installments really helped me to see how provocative John’s letter would’ve been in its original context. I’d love to know what you think.

To the angel of the Evangelical churches write: These are the words of the Truth, the faithful and true reporter, the source of everything in God’s world:

I know what you’re doing. I know that you’re neither full of tradition nor cutting edge. I wish you were either steeped in heritage or innovative but since you’re neither – since you just follow the culture around, mimicking whatever you see, I’m going to foreclose on your buildings and burn them to the ground. You say, “I am hip, I’m relevant and people love me.” You don’t realize that you are pathetic, derivative, poor, uncool and naked. You want my advice? (Too bad if you don’t!) You need to start following me around. I’ve got a light show that will dazzle you, and white graduation robes that are way cooler than anything in your closet. Look to me for your inspiration, and I’ll show you a world unlike any you can imagine. I chastise and discipline the people I love – do you understand that that’s what’s happening here? Take a good, hard look at yourself and repent! I’m not just some cheap slogan on a t-shirt or bumper sticker! Your community deserves to know that I’m more than a slick production. I’m in the lobby. All you have to do is ask and I’ll come into your meetings and we’ll transform this whole place together. To the one who conquers, I’ll give a place with me in my office – the same way I have already conquered and sat down with my Father in his office. Let anyone who has an ear listen to what the Spirit is saying to the churches.

Culture Enculturation Eschatology Revelation

The Sixth Church

This is the another installment of my reimagining of the Revelation to John. These short pieces draw from Revelation 2-3, and I’ll post once for each of the 7 churches. These installments really helped me to see how provocative John’s letter would’ve been in its original context. I’d love to know what you think.

To the angel of the Hispanic churches write: “These are the words of the Holy One. The True Immigrant. He has the key of David and what he opens, no one can shut (and if he shuts it, no one can open it either!):

I know what you’re doing. Look: I have opened the borders in front of you and no one can close them. I know you don’t have much power, but even still you have kept my word and haven’t denied my name. I will make those of the nation of Satan – who say they are God’s people but are not (they’re lying!) – I’m going to make them stand up and salute you and they will learn that I have loved you all along. Because you have been patiently listening to me, I’m going to protect you from the great tests that the whole world is going to take. I’m coming soon, so keep holding on tightly to what you have – you don’t want anyone to take your gold medal from you! If you conquer, I will make you a load-bearing wall in the Church of my God – you’ll never leave it! And I’ll sign my name on your forehead – my name, God’s name and the name of the New Utopia from God. Let anyone who has an ear listen to what the Spirit is saying to the churches.

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